With your wedding day quickly approaching I bet you are a bit overwhelmed and stressed out. If you are anything like I was when it was my turn to get married you are thinking to yourself, “ Why did no one ever tell me this was a thing”. Whatever the case may be these five inside secrets helped me survive the wedding planning process and I have a feeling they just might do the trick for you too. Not to brag on my fairy god mother status but as a planner turned bride turned wife I know a thing or two about wedding planning and I am here to help you become a pro yourself!
Beware of The Pintrest Blues:
When it became my time to finally get married I was delighted. I was finally going to marry the man of my dreams and all of my Pinterest dreams were finally going to magically come to life… or so I thought. Looking back on that phase in my life I can laugh it off now but at the moment finding out my dream dress was the full price of my wedding budget was a major wakeup call. That’s when I discovered a little thing called the Pinterest blues. Now don’t get me wrong I LOVE Pinterest as a planner and in my personal life, I use it almost every day to pin ideas and recipes, I honestly do not know where I would be without it. You just have to know the right way to use it when planning a wedding. Which leads us to our first secret. Pinterest is a double-edged sword. Sure it’s amazing as a tool to share with vendors and planners. It communicates ideas in a single photo and keeps everyone in the loop.
BUT… beware of staged photos, styled shoots and the idea that everything at your wedding including yourself will look exactly like it does on Pinterest. I once had this realization with my hair color. You see there is this pesky thing called budgets and they sometimes get in the way of the “perfect” shade of blonde, wedding dress or floral decor. This does not mean however with the proper use of Pinterest and an open mind that your wedding will be any less special or memorable it just means that sometimes the fairytale wedding looks a little less staged and a little more authentic which in my humble opinion will mean way more in the long run. This means using your inspiration boards as just that inspiration. Be upfront and honest with your vendors and yourself and for the love of all that is holy do not get discouraged that your wedding will be anything less than amazing.
Things are always more expensive than you thought they would be:
I know you are probably already thinking of yourself, it’s pretty obvious that weddings are expensive. Even I who fancied myself to be very well versed in the magical world of weddings was in a bit of sticker shock when it came to my time to be a bride. I always knew about the price of items for my clients but I never knew the reality of how expensive until it came time to find my venue, book my florist or pay for alterations. As a vendor myself I certainly know and do not discredit any of the amazing, extremely hard-working vendors and how difficult their jobs can be. But having gone through the experience on the other foot I can 100% say that educating yourself of the average cost of vendors and venues in your area as well as setting a very realistic budget for yourself is one of the very best things you can do for yourself.
Going about this process can be tedious to do on your own and takes many hours and oftentimes leads to frustration. I always highly recommend using a planner for this very reason. Even if you do not choose to work with a planner and are more of a DIY bride at least having someone you can lean on for support such as a fellow bride or even a well informed Facebook group of like-minded couples and vendors can help out tremendously. Often times we think that doing things ourselves saves us money but every great planner has budget-saving tricks and resources that help stay on budget and less stressed which at the end of the day can be priceless. One tip, for instance, I tell all of my clients is write down the top three areas of importance to you for your wedding day when you are budgeting. Once you have done this use free tools such as wedding wires budget planning tool to map out how much you are looking to spend on each item. shop for pricing among vendors and give yourself a cushion for unforeseen expenses ( things always come up) This will allow you to focus on your non-negotiables and walk away in control and informed to help lead you through the rest of the planning process.
This is YOUR Day, keep it that way:
More often than not I see many of my clients struggle with balancing keeping their guests and family happy during the planning process. It’s easy to want to make sure that your wedding day goes smoothly and that includes keeping everyone in attendance happy. Like any gracious host, you want your big day to filled with great joy and fun for everyone. But when the demands of others outweigh your happiness and create more stress than the bliss that is when you know it is time to draw the line before one foot walks down that aisle. That means staying true to who you are and keeping focused on what is most important that your partner and yourself are happy.
More times than not weddings can sadly bring out the worst in people. The stress and expectations alone can be very difficult for even the most strong-willed person to manage. But having a buffer like a friend to handle any R.S.V.P’s, bridesmaids to help swoop in and rescue you from sometimes difficult conversations or even setting a few minutes in your timeline on your wedding day to have to yourself or with your spouse can mean a world of difference. Something I really wish someone would have told me is the number of unacceptable demands and behavior you allow during your wedding can often times correlate to the amount you will be expected to tolerate in your marriage. This is where healthy boundaries, open dialogue with your partner and finding a great person to vent to can be super important. Remember why you chose to get married in the first place and try to find a respectful but assertive way to protect that.
Happily Ever After Takes Work :
We have all seen the fairytale endings from our first Disney movie, to the end of our favorite love movies. We know that at the end of our I do’s we will have married the person whom all of childhood daydreams centered around. While that is beautiful and a lovely thing to work towards it’s also a little dangerous to just assume that everything will magically fall into place and stay perfect forever. While my relationship with my husband in my eyes has been the greatest love story ever told even I know it has taken a great amount of work, sacrifice, and patience to get here. We are probably all aware of this but at times social media ( I am getting there) or even movies make it hard not to compare ourselves to the idea of the perfect marriage, wedding or lifestyle.
But one of the most important secrets I will share here is the importance of self-care and self-awareness you need to make sure that your I do’s are not followed by many I don’ts. One thing I learned the hard way is that running yourself into the ground with stress, unrealistic expectations of your body or even attitude during wedding planning process is extremely damaging not only to yourself but to your relationship. The importance of keeping your mind and spirit healthy is just as vital as the perfect centerpiece or wedding dress. One of the best pieces of advice I ever got was from my Mother at my wedding shower and it was to always date my husband even we we are old and gray. We always put aside a few nights a month for a special date night. Even if it is just a home-cooked meal and Netflix it means so much to take that time for us. But the reality is no one ever tells you to slow down, take time for yourself and push pause on the obsessing, yes even the wedding planning and give yourself a true break. As a bride this literally saved me and as a wife, it is even more important. You have to just like in an airplane put your own oxygen mask on first. Learn to say I love you to yourself before ever saying yes to anyone else. This is something I still struggle with every day but as Lizzo would say “ I know that I am a queen” so treat yourself as such and I promise it will make the journey to the aisle that much easier.
Know the Difference between Instagram VS Reality:
in a world of oversharing and instant gratification, it is easy to get swept up in a social media frenzy of likes and a never-ending feed of filtered photos. This is so common in our everyday life that it can lead to unhealthy rabbit holes of comparison and self-doubt. With your wedding often times being one of the most important days in your life it is easy to use this time to want to try and achieve the dream photos or gain the most likes from your wedding photos. It’s sometimes very easy to get swept up in the world of Instagram or “ living your best life” But while your big day approaches no matter how hard it might be to remember, your wedding day is so much more than chasing that next little heart on your photos. Marriage is about having an open heart and an open mind. Being able to share the messy and uncomfortable parts of yourself and that means #nofilter because in a world where everyone is one-upping each other don’t forget that JLo had it right all those years ago and keeping it real is so much more important. Although as a planner it is my job and privilege to make your wedding day as seamless as possible it is very important to keep in mind that everyone is human and no one is perfect. Setting unrealistic expectations on yourself, your wedding or your significant other can only lead to discontentment. Instead, put those phones down and keep that heart open. love is far greater than likes on social media and lasts so much longer. Remember to build memories on your wedding day because those are the best memories to share on and off the gram.
Photography By: Josh Salley of Frozen in Time Photography